To Protect and Serve.

This is the motto for the Los Angeles Police Department and probably the biggest joke to many of L.A’s ethnic minority after the Rodney King beatings. But yes, to protect and serve. The calling of every proud police officer around the world. It is also the calling of every Man around the world.

Yes, so if you are male of the species, you were born to protect and serve. What does it mean to protect and serve? Lets explore the generalities of this as I’ve come to learn.

To Protect

One of the key responsibilities of any man, a God given responsibility, is to be a protector. Men are called to protect that which is precious to God and this includes a number of things, a few of which are:

1. God and His Kingdom - Yes. You may wonder how we are supposed to protect the all powerful, all knowing God of creation? We do so by protecting His name, His principles, His Word(bible, gospel and its teaching) His church and it’s members from the eternal onslaught of the devil who seeks to lay waste to all the God has established.
2. Women and children — Our wives and children are to be protected above all others. This goes without saying. They have been put under our care and we are totally responsible for them. Nonetheless, even single men have a responsibility to protect the women around them, whether they be mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, nieces and nephews. Men are leaders and leaders protect those around them.
3. The Natural World — Men are called to protect the wonders of Gods creation. The world around us is being needlessly ravaged and destroyed because some men have forgetten that God gave us a perfect world and we are meant to protect it for Him. That is wrong. The beauty of nature serves us with resources and nourishment and therefore must be protected at all costs.
4. The weak and oppressed — Everywhere you turn, you will see someone being abused or oppressed. Men protect such people. Men protect the poor, the sick, the physically weak, the abused, the exploited, the hungry, the lost. Men protect those who can’t protect themselves. Period.
5. Our Society, history and morality — Men protect the society we live in. Thats probably why most political, military and police are male. Its what men were born to do. Men are to keep out moral decay and chaos. Keep order and peace in. Men are keepers of history and public record. Men are responsible for passing it on to the next generation.

To Serve

While most men are inherently aware that they are Protectors, not many realise that they are also meant to be Servants. Men are meant to spend their lives in the service of a cause bigger than them, one which will outlast them. So how do men serve?

1. Men are servants of God — Our first point of service is to God. Men are used by God to do the heavy lifting for His purposes. From Noah, to Moses to David to Christ Himself, God always calls upon men to lay down their lives in pursuit of something so much bigger than their individual lives that blesses humanity as a whole. So no, serving in church is not a womans thing contrary to popular belief.
2. Men are servants in their homes — serving their wives and children helping them reach their highest potential. And yes, doing the dishes and taking out the trash too. It is imperative to have husbands and fathers who stay the course and raise their children because it has an unprecedented ripple effect on the quality of society we live in. Nothing could be nobler than a man who faithfully serves his children by teaching them, blessing them, listening to them and loving them.
   
3. Men are called to serve their communities — through some form of work that it necessary for the benefit of the whole. Thats why many men feel so frustrated when they have no work. It’s that nature of service through work and the recognition for that service that gnaws at them when they lack work that causes them to lash out. Men were made to work, to tend, to nurture and it’s by this that we serve.

So gentlemen, this is just a brief overview of what it means for us to protect and serve. In your own life, some areas may stand out more or translate differently. However, will you stand up and be a real man? Will you protect and serve your God, your country, your women and children?

Shalom

From greater men than I:

“You seek the heights of manhood when you seek the depths of God. Edwin Louis Cole”

“We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done. Theodore Roosevelt”

“No man has ever risen to the real stature of spiritual manhood until he has found that it is finer to serve somebody else than it is to serve himself. Woodrow Wilson”

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more “manhood” to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind. Alex Karras”

On September 5th, my wife and I celebrated our first year anniversary. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has actually past. It feels like only a few days ago that we were stressing over guest lists, decorations and insane parents. I still remember how things came to a head the day before the wedding and my then fiancé and I had a major blowout and didn’t speak till 2hours before the service. At the time, I wished doubted everything in my life except gravity but today we are so much stronger and better people than we were back then.

The bible in the Book of Deuteronomy 24:5, advises that recently married couples should take the first year off to learn to love one another. I cannot overstate how vital this can be towards a successful marriage in the long haul. I thank The Master that He has orchestrated events such that I have been able to enjoy several months uninterrupted by work or war to learn to love my wife. I wish I could have had a proper year but someone needs to put food on the table right?

To put it simply, the past year has been such a powerful experience for me as a man. I have debunked so many myths, learnt so many truths and I believe in the process, become more of a man than I’ve ever been before. I would like to share some key learning’s with you now.

1. Marriage (and life) is not about you!

   Yes, that’s right. It’s not about you. Ha, no one likes to here that one. Marriage is about spending the rest of your life consciously choosing to love your spouse 110% and help them become everything that God created them to be. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. Most of us get married thinking about what we’re going to get out of marriage. Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever. This self-centered mentality will always and has always led to poor marriages and divorce. Marriage is about giving up yourself for the benefit of your spouse. Only when you give of yourself selflessly, consistently, genuinely and tirelessly will you have an awesome marriage. So what about my needs you ask? Why get married if I get nothing out of this? Well actually you do get a lot out of marriage. I mentioned them already; Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever J Seriously though, the funny thing about marriage is this. If you chose the right partner (and often, even if it was the wrong one), God has worked it out that whatever you pour into your marriage, you will receive back in equal measure and more. So what I discovered was, the more I lay down my selfish desires and focus on fulfilling my wife’s needs, the more my wife would work at fulfilling mine. Ha?! Who’d have thought it?

2. Marriage is very hard work.

   I can almost hear all the groans at that one. Yes, marriage is work and hard work at that too. In any way you color it, it simply isn’t easy for any two people with totally different upbringing, cultures and thinking to live together as a unit and you expect it to be seamless. If anyone told you that this will be a stroll on the beach, well, they lied. And you should sue them. Now. You could use the extra money anyway. To make a marriage work, there is a lot of sacrifice, sweat, tears and sometimes even blood. There will be fights over sillyness like, should the toothpaste be squeezed in the middle or the bottom. There will be anger, frustrations and crying over unmet expectations. There will be brokenness. There will be soccer nights and soap nights. There will be snoring and there will be farting. There will be in-laws and out-laws. There will be babies.So you see, there has to be a lot of work to make this work. Any man can tell you it’s a lot of work to sit still and listen to a woman. We’re just hopeless at emotional, touchy feeling sharing times. It’s a lot of work for women to understand her mans fundamental need for respect even when he doesn’t deserve it. It’s hard work to find the time to make love between diaper changes and 12 hour work days. Marriage is a lot of hard work. The upside is, when you do it right, it’s the most rewarding hard work you’ll ever do.

3. Love is not a feeling and only God can provide the added juice!

   Hmmm. Yes. Love is not a feeling. The bible tells us that there are different kinds of love. Eros– sexual love, Phileos– affectionate friendly love and Agape-Unconditional love. Now the greatest of these is Agape. It has nothing to do with feelings. It’s a daily, moment by moment choice to do whatever is in the highest good for another. In marriage, we basically start with Eros – sexual love or emotional love. It quickly fades after a few months, even the honeymoon. I first heard from someone close to me long ago said in “Marriage, love is not enough” I didn’t get it at first but what it means is that the emotional love will not take you through marriage. You will need Agape love to get through those incredibly tough times when you can’t stand your spouse. When your husband comes home late for the umpteenth time after hanging out with the boys, only a God enabled choice can allow you to greet him with a smile and serve him his dinner and ask him how his day was as you massage his shoulders. So yes, you will need Agape love to make your marriage last and it’s only by the grace and love of God that you can be able to show the same to your spouse.

4. Marriage can propel or break a man

   We have all heard the great adage; behind every great man there is a great woman. And behind every black man, are the police! But yeah, this is another truth I’ve come to learn in the last year. In Genesis 2, God says, it’s not good for man to be alone so let us create a suitable helper. The plan of God is for men to have dominion over the earth. Now, women’s activists should slow down before they bite my head off. What that means is that we are supposed to work hard and subdue the earth in order to prosper. But there is a catch. We cannot do it alone. We need the input, encouragement, respect and help of a good woman. Yeah boy’s you heard me, you can do great things but you can do unimaginable things with a great woman in your life. My wife, God bless her, is one of those awesome women. I have in the last year become so much more of a man in thought, character and spirit than in the last 29 years. I can see that I’m going to accomplish incredible things in my life. Boys, you need a woman who is your number one fan, who believes in you no matter what, who praises you and worships the ground you walk on. Trust me, ladies out there and men, if this is how a man is treated, he will always do great things.Of course the corollary is true. A bad woman can destroy even the best of men. It’s incredible the amount of influence women have on us men. If used wrongly, it can lead any man down a path of destruction. I’ve seen good men become liars, cheats and thieves because of a woman in his life. Wars have begun because of women, the Great battle of Troy. So what’s my point? Men, be very careful when choosing a wife because she can either make you or break you.

5. Marriage is not a 50/ 50 partnership.

   This is one of the greatest myths people have when going into marriage. It’s not a 50/ 50 partnership. It’s a 100/ 100 partnership. If you go into this thinking you can give just 50% and your partner will do the other 50%, you will be disappointed. Marriage requires both parties go into this giving 100% of themselves, their time, their resources, their souls. If you are holding back, having a secret bank account, not opening up to each other fully or being honest, not forging and being compassionate, I can guarantee you that your marriage will never be as full and holistic as you’d like. Someone close to my wife advised her to have a secret bank account hidden from me so that she can keep a lifestyle for herself. The basic concept of “My money (hers) is my money and your money (mine) is our money” She disregarded this advice much to the gain of our marriage. Total disclosure and openness has fostered a level of trust and intimacy that I cannot describe. You cannot afford to withhold any part of yourself in Marriage if you wanted to have a great one. Marriage is about two people becoming one, that’s two wholes becoming one, not two halves.

6. Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like

   As most of you know, throughout my blogging I haven’t hidden the fact that I believe the world is in dire need of real men. There are too many boys running around messing up the world for the rest of us. Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like. Marriage has shown me that real men are;

   • Family Conscious- They prioritize their wife and kids above all other worldly things. Nothing except God takes priority over them.
   • Responsible- They don’t blame anyone for their life or circumstances.
   • Providers- They take care of their family and those who have no one to help them.
   • Protectors- protects his family physically, emotionally and spiritually.
   • Priests – A man was designed by God to be the spiritual head of his home, to pray and intercede for them. A real man is tied into Jesus.
   • Teachers – A man is a teacher. He has to teach those under his care the right way to live and do things as shown to him by God.
   • Principled - Men have to have N.U.T.S Non negotiable Unalterable Terms. Principles of virtue, integrity, character, discipline, kindness, leadership etc by which they live.
   • Selfless – Real men are not self-centered. They live their lives to make the lives of others better according to God’s love.
   • Diligent Hard workers — Real men are diligent hard workers. They work hard to provide for their families and provide a secure future for them leaving a wholesome legacy for their children.

7. Life doesn’t always go according to plan but often times works out a whole lot better.

   This is a funny one. In life we all have plans. When I’m twenty I’ll do this. When I get a promotion, I’ll do that. When I get married, I’ll do that. But life likes to throw curve balls. My wife and I planned a simple small wedding which we would pay for ourselves. EEEEHH! Wrong. We planned to go to a certain exotic place for our honeymoon. EEEHHH! Wrong again. We planned to spend the first two years without children so we could enjoy us. EEEHHH! Wrong again. What happened. Well, we had a small wedding but we didn’t manage to pay for it ourselves. We didn’t end up in the exotic spot but instead discovered a beautiful suburban location is South Africa that is now on my top 5 holiday destinations forever. We didn’t get to have our two years but every day when I look at our daughter, I melt with awe and joy. The lesson is, even though you don’t get what you plan, you can often time get something a whole lot better than you had planned. Lesson, don’t sweat it. For every lost plan, there is a bigger and better one. You just have to keep an open mind.

I can clearly tell you though, there is still quite a lot for me to learn but I’m looking forward to learning them all. What I can say is, marriage is a beautiful and wonderful institution when God is in the midst of it. It’s challenging but rewarding and the best human relationship of all. To those who aren’t married and want to, I encourage you to. Those who are married and having a rough time, there’s always hope.

Shalom.